o{]:)

Fr. Z is Moderator of the Catholic Online Forum and the ASK FATHER Question Box. The WDTPRS columns appear weekly in The Wanderer. Fr. Z lives in Rome, though he is often in the USA. He is available for retreats and conferences. E-mail
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Recent Posts
  • LA STAMPA: Hans KÜNG on Pres. Bush and Pope Benedict XVI
  • Mundelein Liturgical Institute (Chicago): required course on TLM
  • ALERT
  • UK: Petition to bishops for the TLM
  • An interesting Curial shift coming up
  • Loomes Bookseller: sold!
  • A new journal
  • QUAERITUR: advice for a wymynpryst wannabe

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  • 24 July 2008

    LA STAMPA: Hans KÜNG on Pres. Bush and Pope Benedict XVI

    CATEGORY: SESSIUNCULUM — Fr. John Zuhlsdorf @ 10:43 pm

    Today I present 

    This editorial was in La Stampa, a Roman daily.  The translation is provided by WDTPRS’s good friend Fabrizio Azzola.

    It is hard to know whether to laugh or cry reading this.

    My emphases and comments:


    La Stampa July 22nd 2008

    The Pope and Bush united by the same errors

    HANS KÜNG

    Last April, Benedict XVI  celebrated his 81 years with George W. Bush at the White House. Odd: the Pope, ambassador of peace and truth who touches glasses with a war president who, even in the eyes of many Americans, dragged a great democracy into a war by means of lies and propaganda, with no apparent exit strategy.

    According to a recent survey, 80% of Americans are convinced that the US is “on the wrong track”. Hence the slogan for the current electoral campaign for the White House: “Change”. And what about the Pope? Beside a belated admission of guilt about the countless cases of pedophilia among  the Catholic clergy, he’s said not one single word of change in the Church and in society.

    George W. Bush and Joseph Ratzinger are as different in their character, education, and way of talking as a Texas cowboy and a Roman prelate can be. Bush has never hidden his anti-intellectual attitude. [?] His knowledge of history is limited as is his knowledge of geography, foreign languages and philosophy. [On the other hand, he has Yale degree in history and a Harvard MBA.  He was a successful businessman (baseball team owner, two-term governor of Texas, and two-term US President …  and Kung is still heretic.] His worldview his enclosed in the Manichean model of the opposition between good (“us”) and evil (“them”) [This is rather embarassing.  After all these years he doesn’t know how to apply the term "Manichean".] Conversely, Benedict XVI has benefited from an excellent classical education and could learn some foreign languages. His thought is subtle, his language is sophisticated, his actions prudent. For a quarter of a century he has carefully observed the world from the windows of the Vatican.  To makes decisions, he follows the lead of the centuries-old  customs of the Roman Curia, the administrative body of the Roman Catholic Church.  [Kung is trying to tar Benedict with the brush of being in an ivory tower.  And Kung’s world of academia sure isn’t.  Right?] 

    But  the two have also a lot in common. Both love pompous appearances [Their offices require such.], be they from a plane or in front of the crowds of St. Peter’s square. On the occasion of the Pope’s visit, the President tried to compete with the imperial ceremonial of the Roman Pontiff [Here Kung is reverting to form, even more radical than most of the Rahnerian’s of the Concilium strain: the Council didn’t go far enough to eradicte the encrustations of Antiquity and the Middle Ages.] by resorting to a guard of honor and a 21-cannon salute [Due to a head of state.]. Both the President and the Pope share a conservative attitude, especially when it comes to birth-control, family morals, and flaunted Christian devotion [And…. is that bad?]. In the President’s case, such an attitude seems rather of a fundamentalist kind while the Pope’s is overloaded with tradition. [Curious.  In one breath Kung is saying that Benedict is a subtle thinker.  Then he says he isn’t.  But remember, for Kung "Tradition" is precisely what is holding us back.]  Obviously, both thought that such an ostentation of shared moral principles would score points with the American public [Ahhhh…. that’s why Benedict did what he did.  To score points!]

    In his recent farewell trip to the capitals of Europe, it was obvious that the President  – who met only a weary indifference [I wonder if that is what happened on his trip.] instead of hostile demonstrations – had been put aside as a lame duck. Unfazed, he repeated his speech on the struggle for freedom and democracy, for “security” and peace. [In other words he sticks to his position.  Kung did not stick to the positions he tooks oaths to uphold both before ordination and before being allowed to teach theology.]  In this way he showed his own version of infallibility, [NB: This is the huge problem for Kung.  Kung forever will blame the Council and everyone involved and everyone after for not having "corrected" Vatican I on infallibility.  This is a huge deal for Kung.  It is a very bad word for him.] which makes him incapable of learning anything and prevents him from seizing any chance to admit his guilt before the immense disaster his actions have caused in the world. [This is most a polemic against the wielder of the infallible teaching authority, his old former colleague Pope Benedict.] The Pope is no lame duck instead. And even though he – according to a more recent Roman doctrine [See?  This is a reference to Vatican I and then Vatican II’s Lumen gentium which describes infallibility and the Pope Magisterium] – has still some [!] “infallibility on matters of faith and morals”, [How can you have "some" infallibility?  You either got it or you ain’t. No?]  he is also capable of learning [And Hans Kung is teaching!]. After all he granted me, a critic of his, a friendly four-hour conversation in the summer residence of Castel Gandolfo, during which he showed a surprising ability to make steps ahead in his reflections [Unbelievable.  Kung is conceding that the Pope isn’t a dope.  I wonder… did the Pope "touch glasses" with Fr. Kung too?]. And during his trip to Turkey of 2006 he corrected – with an unscheduled visit [ummm… no…] to a mosque and a clear expression of high consideration for Islam – the controversial statements on Islam as a religion of violence he had made some months earlier at the University of Regensburg [I think Fr. Kung didn’t pay attention to what Pope Benedict did in Turkey.  He certainly didn’t correct his own address in Regensburg!].

    The Pope has been in office for just three years. Couldn’t he learn – I wonder – from the failures of President Bush? [HUH?!?]  His great intelligence and his historical sensibility [wait… I thought he was mired in tradition…] cannot miss the warning signs for the future of his pontificate.

    I’ll highlight five: [HARK!   Quite everyone!]

    1. With the reintroduction of the traditional Latin rite of the Mass, abolished by the Second Vatican Council and by Paul VI [Nooo….]  in favor of a more accessibile liturgy in the vernacular language, [Remember that Kung was one of the theologians consulted by the Consilium to rewrite the Roman Canon, to correct it.] he attracted a lot of criticism  from episcopates and pastors.  [Two points.  First, we reject the premise of "more accesible".  What, precisely, is more accessible?  The words?  I stipulate.  But the true content of the texts?  The encounter with Mystery?  Is mystery more accessible?  Also, if he attracted criticism, he also attracted praise.  I think was Kung is saying is that Bush was wrong for not governing according to the polls and Benedict should learn from this mistake: Benedict should govern according to majority polling data: but that is Kung’s model for the Church, isn’t it.]

    2. During the Istanbul meeting with the ecumenic patriarch of Constantinople Bartholomew I, the Pope gave no sign of compromise about the Medieval Roman legal rights [See how bad everything Medieval is?] over the orthodox churches and thus he made no progress toward the reunification of East and West.[LOL!  That’s why Bartholomew I attended the Sts. Peter and Paul Mass in Rome and sat next to the Pope, and preached so irenically.] 

    3. With the public appearances wearing sumptuous liturgical vestments in the style of Leo X, who wanted to enjoy the pontificate in all its comforts, and bears the main responsibility  for Rome’s “no” to Luther’s requests for a reform, Benedict XVI has confirmed the idea of many protestants that the Pope does not know the Reformation in depth.   [Well… I am happy to admit that Kung has taken to Protestantism and the objectives of Luther’s reforms and Benedict hasn’t.  But, it could be that Kung’s real problem here is that perhaps Pope Benedict is both successful in what he is doing liturgically and he is happy.]

    4. By rigidly upholding the medieval law [Remember: medieval = bad] of celibacy for the western clergy, he bears the main responsibility for the decline of the Catholic clergy in many countries and for the collapse of the traditional structures of the pastoral care in the always more numerous communities which are left without a priest[Because Hans Kung want more and more traditional style male priests, I suppose.]

    5. By insisting on the pernicious [pernicious!] encyclical Humanae vitae against all forms of birth control, the Pope shares the responsibility for overpopulation, [Is Kung a Malthusian?] especially in the poorer countries, and for the further spread of AIDS.

    Shouldn’t what the journalist  Jacob Weisberg calls “the tragedy of Bush” lead Benedict XVI to ponder his action more carefully? [Ummmm… surely Kung doesn’t think that Pope Benedict should ponder his pontificate because of what Jacob Weisberg says…]  Ill-advised by the neo-conservatives [I am not sure here if he means Neo-Con in the American sense or in the European sense.] and doggedly backed by the complaisant media [Now I think Kung must either be on drugs or his brain is getting soft.  Bush and/or Benedict "backed by a complaisant media"?  "complaicant"?  Uh huh.] , Bush wanted to lead his country to a “new American era”. Now he ends his career as a failure, barely respected even within his party.

    ”Sapienti sat” – “enough for the wise” – the ancient Romans used to say. Those who know the situation of the Church need no further explanation.  [And Fr. Kung would be wise to remain silent.]

    Amazing.

    • • • • • •

    Mundelein Liturgical Institute (Chicago): required course on TLM

    CATEGORY: SESSIUNCULUM — Fr. John Zuhlsdorf @ 4:11 pm

    I am pleased to read this.  Biretta tip to CMR   o{]:¬)

    My emphases and comments.

     

    Liturgical Institute, Mundelein, Adds Course on the Extraordinary Form

    One year after the release of the motu proprio Summorum Pontificum, The Liturgical Institute at the University of Saint Mary of the Lake in Mundelein, Illinois, announced that it has added a required [required… required] 3-credit course on the history and spirituality of the Extraordinary Form of the Roman Rite to its roster of classes. [Will it teach how to say the older Mass?  Will that be under another rubric?]  The Liturgical Institute was founded by Cardinal Francis George, Archbishop of Chicago (left) in the year 2000. Though the primary emphasis of the Institute involves the reformed liturgical books, this course comes in response to the call of Pope Benedict for freer study and use of the missal of 1962. In the summer and Fall of 2007, immediately after the release of the motu proprio, the Institute included several lectures on the topic in its Hillenbrand Lecture Series, including one by Rev. Dennis Gill, Director of Worship for the Archdiocese of Philadelphia, and another by Bishop Joesph Perry, Auxiliary Bishop of Chicago. The formal course, whose description is below, will be also be offered for priests and others not enrolled in the Institutes’s degree programs.

    [Course description] LI 557 History and Spirituality of the Extraordinary Form

    Pope Benedict XVI’s assurance in the Apostolic Letter Summorum Pontificum that every Roman Rite priest may offer the Eucharist and other sacraments according to the form of the rite that was preeminent prior to 1969, provides new opportunities for people to encounter a manner of worship that represents two millennia of exegetical reflection and theological contemplation. [Nicely put!] Now designated as the “extraordinary” form of the Roman Rite, the Mass that serves as the rite’s liturgical center requires careful consideration. The constituent structures of this eucharistic liturgy’s ordo missae, the content of its ecclesiastical propers, [WDTPRS is doing something of that in this year’s series.] its protocols for integrating biblical readings and antiphons, and the complex character of its multiple eucharistic prefaces and single eucharistic prayer (Roman Canon) preserve a form of liturgical celebration that was already well-established in Europe and North Africa before the 5th century. Subtle but meaningful refinements in this liturgy were implemented [I wasn’t entirely static.] by Popes Gregory the Great (7th century), Innocent III (13th century), Pius V (16th century) and, at the start of the Second Vatican Council, John XXIII (1962). In a two-part course that considers the history and spirituality of the Mass of the Roman Rite in its extraordinary form, students will examine the theological foundations and tangible traditions within the Mass whose antiquity and subsequent centuries of celebration on every continent testify to the capacity of liturgy to transcend historical epochs and cultural divisions.

     

    • • • • • •

    ALERT

    CATEGORY: SESSIUNCULUM — Fr. John Zuhlsdorf @ 1:56 pm

    I am thinking about making a PODCAzT

    If you want to leave voice mail, soon would be good if you want your message to be considered.

    BTW… the last few messgaes have been mostly asking for a call back. 

    Don’t hold your breath.

     

    PS: The PODCAzT with the interview with His Hermeneuticalness is closing in on 2K listens/downloads.  Pretty good.

    • • • • • •

    UK: Petition to bishops for the TLM

    CATEGORY: SESSIUNCULUM — Fr. John Zuhlsdorf @ 1:00 pm

    This just in. 

    I have a slight problem with this petition, though the idea and motive is certainly good!

    Remember that under the provisions of Summorum Pontificum, parish priests don’t need permission or help from the local bishops to establish regular TLM’s in their parishes.

    Again, parish priests don’t need for bishops to do what they can do themselves!

    Of course only bishops can establish "personal parishes".  Also, if you want a bishop for a Solemn High Mass… well… he needs to want to do it.

    But one of the most important things Summorum Pontificum did was take the ball from the hands of diocesan bishops and put it into the hands of parish priests.

    In a sense, "personal parishes" could be a way of slowing or isolating into ghettos those who want the older form of Mass.

    That said… in what follows, my emphases and comments.

    Leading Catholics petition for Latin Mass

    Thursday, July 24, 2008, 02:52 PM GMT

    As the Catholic Herald reveals this week, leading Catholics including Lord Alton of Liverpool, Bianca Jagger and Dom Antony Sutch have signed a petition asking the bishops of England and Wales to provide more Latin Sunday Masses in the extraordinary form (Tridentine rite).  [Parish priests can do this!]

    Bianca Jagger wants to see provision of the Old Rite extended  [Think about this.  If Bianca Jagger can be a devotee of the TLM, isn’t there hope for a few more bishops?]

    The petition – which has been signed by Catholics from across the political spectrum – "humbly requests" that the bishops make traditional Masses widely available to the faithful, in accordance with Pope Benedict’s wishes. Progress on this front has been slow, to put it mildly.  [Are they asking bishops to promote the TLM?  Or to get out of the way?]

    Signatories include Catholics not normally associated with traditionalist circles, such as the concert pianist Stephen Hough and Robin Baird-Smith, publisher of Continuum Books. He has written on the petition: "Liberal and progressive, I am nonetheless in support of the petition’s aims."

    Bianca Jagger, a devout practising Catholic, is well-known as a radical human rights activist; but she also regularly attends Latin Mass at the London Oratory and wishes to see the provision of the Old Rite extended throughout the world.

    Prince Rupert zu Löwenstein, former president of the British Association of the Order of Malta, has signed the petition, as have Sir Rocco Forte, a major shareholder in the Catholic Herald, and Peter Sheppard, chairman of the Herald.

    Priests supporting the petition include Dom Antony, former headmaster of Downside, Fr Tim Finigan, Fr Dominic Allain and Fathers Julian Large and Rupert McHardy of the London Oratory.

    Writers who have signed the petition include Mary Kenny, Cristina Odone, Stuart Reid, former deputy editor of the Spectator, and the historian Desmond Seward.

    Prince Albert and Princess Elisabeth von Thurn und Taxis – whose family has been close to the Holy Father since before he was elected Pope – are also among 750 signatories.

    The petition, started by Eveline Booth, a young worshipper at the Oratory, reflects concern at lack of official enthusiasm for Summorum Pontificum, the Pope’s Apostolic Letter liberating the older form of Mass, published just over a year ago.

    Since then, however, the number of weekly Sunday Masses celebrated in the extraordinary form has increased only very slightly, and traditionalists claim that some dioceses have done nothing to promote the Motu Proprio.

    As the Herald reports in detail, the Archdiocese of Liverpool has abandoned plans to create Britain’s first parish dedicated to celebrations of the traditional Latin Mass.

    Miss Booth said: "I started going to the extraordinary form and discovered that it was a much more reverent experience.

    "I thought it was such a shame that Catholics outside London didn’t have access to this liturgy – and also that some bishops and clergy didn’t even want to know about it. Yet it is the Pope’s wish that the older Mass should be at the forefront of worship."

    The petition will be presented to the Bishops’ Conference of England and Wales and a copy sent to the Pontifical Commission Ecclesia Dei, which recently asked the English and Welsh bishops to implement the Motu Proprio more thoroughly.

     I am glad that this issue is being brought to the fore in such a public way.

    But I would remind everyone not to fall back into pre-Motu thinking about this. 

    These are no longer the days of the provisions of Quattuor abhinc annos

    The days of Ecclesia Dei adflicta have come to a close.

    This is the time of Summorum Pontificum.  We mustn’t fall into the trap of seeing that the local bishop is the one who controls the entire implementation of the Motu Proprio.

    Don’t be distracted.

    • • • • • •

    An interesting Curial shift coming up

    CATEGORY: SESSIUNCULUM — Fr. John Zuhlsdorf @ 11:50 am

    Here is an interesting story I have been sitting on for various reasons.  The news is hard to confirm, and you never know until the actual change takes place… but…

    It looks like the high profile, highly efficient, very capable, very close friend of H.E. Piero Marini, His Excellency Renato Boccardo, will be leaving his post as secretary of the Governatorato of the Vatican City State.

    We will see what really happens.

    Also, it may be that Msgr. Giorgio Corbellini, vice-secretary may be moving along also.

    Nella foto Sua Eccellenza Mons. Renato Boccardo
    16 July

    La notizia ha suscitato grande interesse

    Governatorato Vaticano, Boccardo lascia l’incarico di segretario generale

    Lo apprende Ign. Ricopriva il ruolo dal febbraio 2005. Al momento non si conoscono le ragioni di questo improvviso cambio di guardia. Sarà avvicendato anche il vice segretario generale Mons. Giorgio Corbellini


    Città del Vaticano, 16 lug. (Ign) – A quanto apprende IGN, testata on line del Gruppo Adnkronos, Sua Eccellenza Mons. Renato Boccardo (nella foto), sarà avvicendato nel suo attuale incarico di segretario generale del Governatorato della Città del Vaticano, assunto dal febbraio 2005. Anche il vice segretario generale Mons. Giorgio Corbellini non ricoprirà più il ruolo svolto dal 1993 fino ad oggi. La notizia ha suscitato grande interesse, ma al momento non si conoscono le ragioni di questo improvviso cambio di guardia.

    Nato a Sant’Ambrogio in provincia di Torino, Mons. Boccardo è stato ordinato sacerdote per la diocesi di Susa il 25 giugno 1977all’età di 24 anni. Laureato in diritto canonico, nel 1982, è entrato nel servizio diplomatico della Santa Sede. Nel 1988 è diventato cerimoniere pontificio e dal 1992 al 2001 è stato capo ufficio della sezione giovani presso il Pontificio Consiglio per i laici.

    Ha organizzato le GMG di Denver, Manila, Parigi e Roma. Nel 2001 è stato nominato capo del Protocollo con incarichi speciali presso la Sezione affari generali della Segreteria di Stato e ha assunto l’incarico di organizzatore dei viaggi del Papa. Infine, il 29 novembre 2003 è stato nominato segretario del Pontificio Consiglio per le comunicazioni sociali. È stato ordinato vescovo il 24 gennaio 2004. Dal 22 febbraio 2005 ha ricoperto l’incarico di segretario generale del Governatorato della Città del Vaticano che ora abbandona.

    Il Governatorato, articolato in direzioni ed uffici centrali, è il complesso degli organismi attraverso i quali il presidente, con l’aiuto del segretario generale e del vice segretario generale, esercita il potere legislativo ed esecutivo dello Stato della Città del Vaticano.

    • • • • • •

    Loomes Bookseller: sold!

    CATEGORY: SESSIUNCULUM — Fr. John Zuhlsdorf @ 11:34 am

    I picked this up from Orbis, which you should look at often.

    Congratulations are due! An old college buddy of mine, Andrew Poole, just purchased Loome Thelogical Booksellers, located in the state of Minnesota, USA.

    Link to Loome Books here: http://www.loomebooks.com/ .

    For many of us, this is our most favorite book shop in the world, located in an old Swedish Covenant Church, along the St. Croix River.

    If you’re looking for any old book, then these are the guys to contact. And if you really want an experience, then visit their shop along the Minnesota-Wisconsin border.

    Congrats and best wishes, guys!

    This bookstore has, for years, been fantastic.  I hope the transition goes well!

    • • • • • •

    A new journal

    CATEGORY: SESSIUNCULUM — Fr. John Zuhlsdorf @ 10:13 am

    I understand a new journal is to be launched: Usus Antiquior.

    Here is the blurb:

    Usus Antiquior

    A journal dedicated to the Sacred Liturgy edited by Laurence Paul Hemming & Alcuin Reid under the auspices of the Society of St. Catherine of Siena

        "What earlier generations held as sacred, remains sacred and great for us too, and it cannot be all of a sudden entirely forbidden or even considered harmful. It behoves all of us to preserve the riches which have developed in the Church’s faith and prayer, and to give them their proper place.” – Pope Benedict XVI

    These sentiments – with which Pope Benedict XVI introduced his vital motu proprio Summorum Pontificum – encapsulate the function and scope of Usus Antiquior.

    Usus Antiquior is committed to the study and promotion of the historical, philosophical, theological and pastoral aspects of the Roman rite as developed in tradition. Because the different forms of the Roman rite “can be mutually enriching,” Usus Antiquior also seeks to make a positive contribution to the discussion of questions pertinent to the liturgical life of the Church in our day.

        "We welcome the foundation of the scholarly journal Usus Antiquior as an important initiative. Yet another fruit of the reinvigoration of the ancient liturgical rites in the Western Church begun by Pope Benedict XVI, it will help consolidate their place in the life of the Church of today and for the future. Not only priests, seminarians and academics, but anyone who wants to understand the Mass and the other rites of the Roman Church will seek this journal out and study it.” – The Latin Mass Society

    We are most grateful for any gifts received in support of this work. Holy Mass is offered monthly for our benefactors

     

    This looks like it could use some support.

    See also this:

    Programme for Launch

    14 September 2008, London Oratory, Brompton

    Public announcement of the journal and launch of the financial appeal
    A reception for the journal’s benefactors in St Wilfred’s Hall following solemn vespers. Contributions for initial editions will be commissioned and an invitation for submissions will be issued. A design competition for the journal will be launched.

    7 July 2009
    Publication of the contents page of the Vol. 1, No. 1
    Subscription price is announced and subscriptions are opened.

    6 January 2010
    Publication of Vol. 1, No. 1

     

    • • • • • •

    QUAERITUR: advice for a wymynpryst wannabe

    CATEGORY: SESSIUNCULUM — Fr. John Zuhlsdorf @ 9:32 am

    I tip my biretta to my friends Fr. Blake and His Hermeneuticalness  o{]:¬)  for links to the blog of, "that blonde", as Fr. Blake quips.

    It seems that the Mulier Fortis has finally succumbed to the forces of social pressure, marxist feminism and the desire for clerical haberdashery. 

    She wants to be a wymynpryst…ette.

    Here is what she has to say … and to ask. 

    My emphases and comments:

    Having seen these photos on the Curt Jester’s excellent blog, I have been inspired. I feel sure that I am called and chosen… I have a vocation to the ordained priesthood. YES ! I want to become a womynpriest.

    BUT… not just any old womynpriest. I like Latin, and snazzy vestments, and I believe in Tradition, and so I am totally convinced that I am called to be a Traddy womynpriest.

    So, I have a few questions for my soon-to-be-fellow clerics:

    (1) Should I remove my mantilla while being ordained to the Minor Order of exorcist?

    [Perhaps the best solution here is to handle the mantilla much as the real cleric would handle the amice.  When you play dress up ... er um… vest for not-Mass, do as a real priest does. Before putting on the amice, place the mantilla over your … hair… and then, avoiding contact with earrings, shift it down to the neck reciting the following: "Sapiens mulier aedificavit domum suam insipiens instructam quoque destruet manibus".  For the Novus Ordo the mantilla should be left abased…. but they don’t have exorcists, do they… never mind.  For the TLM, however, in respect for Paul’s injunction, it should then be brought back up over the hair and bound down under the amice.]

    (2) Does anyone know whether buckled shoes are available with stiletto heels?

    [WDTPRS doesn’t know.  Sadly, there are a few clerics who would gladly help you find some.  There are also issues of silk-stockings to be considered.  But that must be left for another day.]

    (3) What action should one take when a false nail falls into the chalice after the Consecration? (Ditto for false eyelashes!)

    [For heaven’s sake!  This should be clear from our first principles.  Noobies!  The false nail should be fished out, burned, and the ashes put down the sacrarium.  The eyelash, if possible, should be consumed, but, alternatively, it can also be burned, etc.  It is advised that the nails be of the proper liturgical color for the Mass of the day, or at least of the season.  CAVEAT: false nails and eyelashes should only be used for the NO.  In the TLM, a certain measure of old-fashioned decorum should be observed.  In olden days simple-clerics and Latin priests were not allowed to have facial hair (in this case the false eyelashes would apply… if you get my drift) or rings, jewelry, other vanities (such as false-nails).  This would pertain to those groovy clerics who build up their nails with super-glue and tissue in order to play the guitar.  NB: If a nail is broken playing guitar during Mass, the guitar should immediately be burned and the ashes dumped unceremoniously outside somewhere.]

    (4) Would a clerical tonsure remove the need to have my roots re-touched? 

    [Depending on the size of the tonsure, obviously!  However, in the case of the small tonsure remember the caveat about the nails: proper liturgical colors, please.]

    (5) How can one remove lipstick stains from a purificator?

    [Silly woman!  Consult the women who clean the linens in those places where Unnecessary Ministers of "the Cup" are distributing the Precious Blood at Communion, and don’t waste our valuable time here.  Sheesh!]

    (7) Is it permissible to knit when assisting in choir?

    [Knit?  The well-trained cleric answers these questions based on sound principles.  For example, every priest knows that while it is not permissible to smoke while reciting one’s Office, it is certainly permissible to pray while smoking.  Thus, the two activities can occur simultaneously.  The same would apply to the consumption of gins-and-tonic or perhaps hors d’œuvre.  Knitting would be covered by the same principle.  However, there is another problem with knitting.  It would make the proper handling of the biretta very awkward.  Knitti